BUH

2004-07-09 | 9:23 p.m.

Buh. 17 and I feel no difference, much like on any supposedly important day in one's life. Got a 42-dollar check today and worked crew (though I wasn't really necessary). So the Okinawa Kenjinkai group is apparently important enough that the people of the JAPANESE CONSULATE are coming to see the performance, and they want a lot of things that we don't have.

I have found the Reader to be a delightful weekly newspaper, and the price ($0.00) makes it all the more attractive, not to mention the interesting articles. I'm kind of disappointed in a few things already, which, of course, means that in my pessimism I am already living out the worst possible scenarios. What does not help is that I am always wishing I had free time when I work, but when I have free time and end up wallowing in my own self-pity I wish I had work or something to occupy me. A curse, 'tis.

Buh, rambling so much...

Waiting for the gat-damn translation job to start just so I can get it done and over with, angry over summer homework and my own mistakes related to said homework, praying that tomorrow's performance with this Okinawan group will go smoothly, and (especially) feeling a vague paranoia that I can pin on no one thing but that seems to invade every thought.

Maybe it's the fear of failure for this show that scares me, but this summer in general has just been shaping up to be full of work and disappointment, and that is not helping me right now. It's not like I have anything tangible to be afraid of... just a slew of little things that, when combined, have a sort of synergistic energy that serves to destroy me on the inside (to put things in the most melodramatic words possible; for a more colorful sentence, replace "destroy me on the inside" with "piss the shit out of me"). I guess the gist of things is "SHIT."

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