More fun than a pipe and a glass of scotch

Happiness is a bloody root

2006-06-17 | 4:32 p.m.

My lower left central incisor was removed today. I learned (after its forcible removal with tongs) that the root of the tooth was much deeper than normal, and suddenly the pain I felt deep in my lower jaw, despite the local anaesthetic, made sense.

What struck me as most interesting about the situation, though, was my mind's mechanism for coping with the pain. I despise introspection - all too often, it leads (at the very least, within me) to self-loathing, self-pity, or any other number (and combination) of negative results; but here I found my mind (through the almost Byzantine paths of logic [or illogic, one might say]) dwelling on the importance placed on image in society, to the irrelevance [and yet commanding role] physical appearance and mannerisms play in any interaction, to my reasons for even allowing this to occur, through a number of other tangentially related topics, finally through to a simple assertion:

I haven't really been close to anyone in ages.

A bit of clarification - by "close to" I certainly don't mean "in a relationship with," or physically close to, or any other idea one might conjure up. It's difficult (at best) to explain, I admit, but I blame that on my complete inability to actually translate complex thoughts of mine into coherent ideas. But, I guess, in terms of the way this lack of closeness manifests itself, I have a number of friends, but I won't really talk to anyone about anything beyond common interests or current events or whatnot. Why is this? Who knows? Maybe I've developed a hatred for some of you; maybe I've grown unable to emotionally connect with others; the list of possible reasons is long, but who knows what the real one is?

On a related note, I've been dealing with bouts of loathing for people in general. I still enjoy the company of my friends, and enjoy them as people (just to clarify, of course), but "people" in general bother me for some reason - this manifests as a simmering dislike for strangers. And on this note, I will stop, for the headache - she throbs!

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	Happiness is a bloody root 2006-06-17 \| 4:32 p.m. My lower left central incisor was removed today. I learned (after its forcible removal with tongs) that the root of the tooth was much deeper than normal, and suddenly the pain I felt deep in my lower jaw, despite the local anaesthetic, made sense. What struck me as most interesting about the situation, though, was my mind's mechanism for coping with the pain. I despise introspection - all too often, it leads (at the very least, within me) to self-loathing, self-pity, or any other number (and combination) of negative results; but here I found my mind (through the almost Byzantine paths of logic [or illogic, one might say]) dwelling on the importance placed on image in society, to the irrelevance [and yet commanding role] physical appearance and mannerisms play in any interaction, to my reasons for even allowing this to occur, through a number of other tangentially related topics, finally through to a simple assertion: I haven't really been close to anyone in ages. A bit of clarification - by "close to" I certainly don't mean "in a relationship with," or physically close to, or any other idea one might conjure up. It's difficult (at best) to explain, I admit, but I blame that on my complete inability to actually translate complex thoughts of mine into coherent ideas. But, I guess, in terms of the way this lack of closeness manifests itself, I have a number of friends, but I won't really talk to anyone about anything beyond common interests or current events or whatnot. Why is this? Who knows? Maybe I've developed a hatred for some of you; maybe I've grown unable to emotionally connect with others; the list of possible reasons is long, but who knows what the real one is? On a related note, I've been dealing with bouts of loathing for people in general. I still enjoy the company of my friends, and enjoy them as people (just to clarify, of course), but "people" in general bother me for some reason - this manifests as a simmering dislike for strangers. And on this note, I will stop, for the headache - she throbs! Yesterday's news \| Tomorrow's headlines